Three nights without nightmares. God hears.
My family is dealing with something and it has been traumatic for Zonny. Because she is little, her way of dealing with it has been lashing out a bit and having nightmares. As a heartbroken mother, I haven't really known what to do to help her.
As I watched my little one going through this, I was struggling myself to keep it together. How had I failed her? Why couldn't I fix this? The guilt of those feelings was pulling me down like weighted chains.
I hit a bottom one day and cried out to God. I prayed until all the air came out of my lungs. I prayed until I ran out of words and only my broken heart was left praying. I prayed for an entire day while crying and hoping and believing God would be my only way.
That same night, I dreamed of a man on a couch next to me. He was wearing regular clothes, but I don't remember what his clothes looked like. I only really remember his smiling face and how comforting it was. He said to me, "How are you going to bring joy to anyone else when you don't any have joy yourself? You need joy". And I just stared at the man. He was smiling and seemed so nice and comforting. I remember not knowing what to say back so I said to him "Are you Jesus? Are you an angel?" And he just kept smiling that comforting smile. I woke up and prayed again and that was when I knew. I was doing everything wrong.
None of this is for me to solve right now. I just need to rest in Him. I need to focus on being with Him and being with Zonny. Focus on the strength and joy that I already have inside of me because that is where the Holy Spirit is and let that shine through. That is what Zonny needs right now.
After school that day she brought home this library book. We read it six times in a row and laughed and laughed about the birds in the garden. It might seem like that isn't much, but you see, since I was little, no matter what was going on in my life, that was one thing that comforted me: the sound of birds singing. My husband hangs bird feeders around our porch and at our camp for me because he knows how much I love watching them and how much it soothes me. Now, Zonny is developing the same love for watching birds <3 So, she didn't pick this book by chance. It was a reminder to us both. Find joy everyday, in the little things. Rest in Jesus, let him handle the big stuff and for now we are going to be ok:)
Psalm 30:5 For his anger is but for a moment,